i'm losing my mind in this house. actually no, i'm losing my mind living with her.

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you don't even have to play, just please sign up. :) thanks so muchhhhhhh !

btw, all my recent entries are FRIENDS ONLY.
add to read, but i barely add anybody anyways.


and for some reason, i can't edit all of my old entries to make them private.
fucking cool..

i care about my father the most. i almost lost him once, but never again. he means the absolute world to me, and i'd do anything for him. he's always been there for me, and i couldn't ask for a better dad.



i tear up every time i think about what happened to you. you're sucha strong person and i can't thank you enough for being who you are.
love you.

lol @ burts bees

no matter how many times you claim 'forever' with a best friend,
it'll more than likely fall through.

8th period is wack.
i love chris, though.
fin.

ideas for my bedroom :

- light yellow walls.
- white vintage design over the windows, closet, and door.
- andy warhol poster.
- the beatles poster.
- white wall clock, from urban outfitters.
- wall o' photos, from urban outfitters.
- black curtains.
- black matching sheets and pillow cases with a quilt.
- lots of black picture frames.
- " nylon " magazine cover collage on the back of my door.
- get rid one of my dressers.
- black tapestries for my closet.
- put my tv on the wall above my shelves.
- get rid of that pink end table thing.
- buy black end table.
- (try to) get rid of my desk and (try to) get a smaller desk.
- (maybe) put smokey's cage on my dresser and get rid of that table(?).
- buy a black floor lamp or black hanging light.



so fuckinnn excited !!
too bad it'll be a whole summer project and i'll need tons of cash :/

" Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination. "

be friends with me.
" i'ma fake cunt who talks shit to people. "
even though you're totally innocent and nice,
do not become friends with me because i WILL fuck you over someday.
i will befriend you, trust you, laugh with you, cry to you, and then screw you over.
i'll ignore you for nooo reason whatsoever, because i'ma bitccccchhhhh.
you won't like me once you get to know me, i promise, 'cause i'm just a fake cunt bitch.
SOO THIS IS A WARNING : doooo noottttt associate with me in any way, shape or form.
I'MA BAD PERSON. get it yet ?



oh, and my best friend is a prima donna.
beware.

i need money, a lot of money.
i need to buy jeans and earrings along with t shirts. i want more sims 2 expansion packs. i need lenses for my camera and a better neck strap. i want/need a new computer. i need to re do my bedroom. i owe mom money for my stuff at marshalls.


i need a job. i want to start babysitting again.
i'm gonna ask my aunt if she needs me to babysit anytime soon, and i'm gonna ask geoff if he needs me to babysit during the summer like last year. i hope they say yes.

i'm thinking too much sick shit,
everyone just takes and takes, takes..







today was a good day. mom and i went to marshalls and i got some sweet shit; two hoodies, flats, a mug, and a ralph lauren bag. i'm happy.. i feel stupid though, because i put some of my things on layaway and it's almost 80 bucks.. i was supposed to use that money that dad owes me for a computer. ah, awesome. whatever, i needed to treat myself to some nice shit, who cares ? anyways, i'm glad mom and i can do more things together without constantly fighting. she still pisses me off a lot, though... but lately, a lot of little things have been making me angry; really angry. i don't know why though. i just don't care about a lot of things anymore. maybe that's why, i don't know.








i've missed sierra, i'm glad her and i are friends again. yesterday was fun, and hopefully things will be back to normal soon.








my mom cashed my checks yesterday. i should be ordering my camera sometime this week, hopefully. if i don't order it by wednesday, i'm gonna have a tantrum, hahaha. i'm tired of waiting. i haven't been able to walk around and take pictures in so long. i hate that winter is almost over, and i haven't been able to take one picture of the snow. i haven't been able to use dad's camera as often as i would like to, but even if i could it still is a sucky camera kinda. i want my camera, now.. now, now, now, now.

each day of this week is getting worse.
im melting down. im stressed out. im angry. im sad. im furious. im disappointed.
idk what to do anymore. i really dont know what to do with myself.
i can tell that by the end of this week something reallllly bad will happen.


im in self destruct mode.
it started at day 5
4... 3... tomorrow is 2 and then 1.
who knows where or how ill be by friday.

chelsea and i got into a car accident today on our way to starbucks. needless to say, we never got starbucks. i'm just glad chelsea is okay; her car is pretty wrecked though. some bitch hit us while we were at a red light. we were basically parked and she hit us doing like 40. i feel bad for chelsea, i hope her car gets fixed soon.
the whole thing was pretty weird, actually. i always wanted to be in a car accident, like not even joking. i always wondered what it felt like.. and now i know.
is it weird to say that it was the biggest adrenaline rush i ever got ?

eh, anyways.. all i know is that i definitely would have gotten hurt if i didn't have my seatbelt on. my head would have hit the front of the car really hard, if i wasn't wearing it. all i have, thankfully, is a headache.

i hope that bitch's car is fucked up, big time; she's a fucking idiot for hitting us..

i was supposed to hang w/ caity tonight, but she never got back to me.. oh well.
chelsea is coming over, instead; i'm hyped.
tomorrow is already wednesday. this break is going by quickly.
hopefully i'll hang with chris this week, or see larissa again.
i'm getting a manicure on saturday, or as i like to call them " nanicure ". hahahah.
yeah. that's it, for now, i think.
laterrr.


p.s.
i'm a red head, woo !

i think he likes me, again.
sometimes i think he wants another chance,
other times i think he doesn't want me talking to him.
it's annoying, i wish i could read his mind...
idk if i like him. i only doubt myself 'cause i think he doubts me.
ew. i'm stupid.

oh and i'm not buying the xti, i'm getting the xt...
only because i want to have a good camera, and 'cause i need a new computer.
ugh it kind of sucks, but oh well... either way, i'll be happy as fuck. ahah.

damn, this slinky is awesome.... i've been playing with it all day.
new obsession ? uhhhhh.. fuck yes. i definitely want to incorporate it into a photoshoot soon.
ew omg, this episode of true life is grossing me out. these bitches actually like being obese.
fuckin' idiots, wow...



i need to go lay down, i'm beat.

i really am starting to believe that i'm bi polar. one minute, i'm in a wonderful mood and the next i'm extremely depressed, and then 5 mins later, i'm in a totaaalllly different state of mind... and now i'm back to depression / fuck everything. i don't really like all this shit, but i can't help it. these moods hit me like a fuckin' bus; it's not fun i swear.

.. i sense a melt down in the near future. damn, how exciting.



i'll write more tomorrow. i need to lay down and think.

i can't trust you anymore. you claim to be so real and honest and blah blah blah... but you're so phony. we're supposed to be friendsssss. you're best friend hates me, i know that and i don't care.. but i didn't expect us to stop being cool, too. you're spilling all my secrets to her; i just cannot trust you anymore. the only reason i'm not saying anything to you, is because i'ma reflection of how you treat me. if you're be phony.. so will i, and you'll learn the hard fuckin' way. she's the only real friend you have, besides your family.


have fun having no real friends, except for one.
:]

i don't feel like christmas is only three days away. i'm not... as excited as i usually am. things are so different nowadays. nothing is the same as it used to be, but i alwayssss thought that holidays would be the same. i was wrong. everything is different, everything. krysta isn't going to be home until christmas eve, there are zerooo decorations outside *like tho dad said we would put some up*, mom and i have been arguing a lott, and i've just been depressed and shit. this year sucked so much, on so many levels. my dad almost died, i'm so thankful to even have him around, my grandpa went through a lotttt, my sister moved out, and a few of my besttt friends and i have grown waaaaaay apart. yes, of course this year had it's highlights... but overall, it's been a shitty year. i've been depressed this whole year and these last few days have just been total shit. i just want 07 to be fuckin' over with; hopefully 08 will be a lot better. i'm so tired of being unhappy and crying all the time. santa drove by my house today on the firetruck and i cried.. because it has no meaning to me anymore. i miss the old days, so much. i miss when everyone was so carefree and happy and everybody got along. i'm so miserable.
my number one, most important, new years resolution is to be happy again. if there is a god out there, why is he ignoring me ? this is ridiculous. i feel so empty and cold; i hate this so much.